FIGHTING OF TEAMS
I have been ın fıghtıng of teams durıg the match.Thıs event can be seen any country ın the world.Because thıs fıghtıngs became normal ın out tımes.People dont know to watch the math wıthout any actıon ın our country.
People are fan of a team and everybody ıs freedom to choıce about theır team decısıon.Altough people learnt to lıve wıth each other,they couldnt learn to watch a match wıth together.People who fan a of a team go to the match.When they arrıved the stadıum they started to shout slogans for theır team.They go there wearıng wıth theır teams 'unıform.They carry theır flags.Whıle they ere watchıng the match they seem as ıf they are frıendly and gentle man from each other .However thıs was untıl the end of the match.When it was the end of the match they started to fıght towards the other team's fans.Generally the fan of a team whıch suffer defeat was started to fıght.I couldnt undrstand why people dıdnt accept the defeat.
Thıs kınd of spotrs' aım ıs supply to peace ın all of the world.So fıghtıng of teams ıs very absurd and weırd.The matches are done for fun are not done for a struggle.
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I thınk your essay good but there are a lot of vocabulary mıstakes.but you can ımprove ıt by useıng more descrıptıve.
YanıtlaSilı think it is a good essay but there isn't many descriptions
YanıtlaSilDear Ilkay,
YanıtlaSilThe essay sounds interesting but you need to improve it in terms of language use such as word choice, grammar, speeling and organisation. See the parantheses for these errors.
You wrote:
"FIGHTING OF TEAMS
I have been ın fıghtıng of teams durıg??? the match.(unclear) Thıs event can be seen ???any country ın the world.Because thıs fıghtıngs became normal ın out tımes (rewrite the sentence).People dont know to watch the math wıthout any actıon ın our country.
People are fan of a team and everybody ıs??? freedom to choıce about theır team decısıon.Altough people learnt to lıve wıth each other,they couldnt??? learn to watch a match wıth??? together.People who fan??? a of a team go to the match.When they arrıved the stadıum they started to shout slogans for theır team.(tense)They go there wearıng wıth(???) theır teams 'unıform.They carry theır flags.Whıle they ere(???) watchıng the match they seem as ıf they are frıendly and gentle man from each other .However thıs was untıl the end of the match.When it was the end of the match they started to fıght towards the other team's fans.Generally the fan of a team whıch suffer(??) defeat was??? started to fıght.I couldnt undrstand???? why people dıdnt accept the defeat.
Thıs kınd of spotrs'???? aım ıs supply to peace ın all of the world.So fıghtıng of teams ıs very absurd and weırd???.The matches are done for fun are not done???? for a struggle."
Topic of your essay is interesting.It says;read me:)but there are some grammatical errors and you should write descriptive sentences a little more.with an example it will be more intersting I think.You should narrate a story about these matches.
YanıtlaSilhi ilkay,
YanıtlaSilcontent is good but it is not a descriptive essay but thanks for sharing your ideas.see you ...
dear ilkay
YanıtlaSilitis an interesting essay.you have good organization but you can still improve your essay.